Monday, June 7, 2010

Marriage or Divorce ?

There was a time when divorce was considered obnoxious. Today, it had gained momentum incredibly and has become the order of the day.The survival rate of marriage has diminished to a large scale. Single moms' numbers were on the rise. Long and short, divorce had turned into a phenomenon ready to devour each and everyone who came on its way. 

Let me tell you at the very outset, that I am not here to blow the trumpet of marriage.Here I give you some instances that I came across in my life which left me wondering at the decisions the characters involved in it should have taken at the right time about  t o  bring vast change in their life.

I have never delved into this matter as I was not contemplating on it before. But as I mentioned earlier, the people I come across in my daily life has compelled me look into it seriously.

Some faces keeps on recurring in our mind for no reason. The mystery unravels by itself when the same  comes in front of you in flesh and blood. She was one among such faces. I met her when she came to give us a guest lecture. I was studying journalism then.

She impressed us all of us in a trice.She was married and was blessed with a kid. Her career was at its zenith. She was adamant in pursuing her passions too - dance and music. I was in awe for her as it was the same I wanted to do all in my life. 

As I was swinging high in admiration for her one of my colleague who always had a knack of poking nose into other's affairs suddenly broke the chord of equilibrium that was prevailing with a question. “ Your husband's role in your life and career”

“ I am a divorcee”, there came her prompt reply. “ Some ask me this question delberately, and some with knowledge. One lie has to be covered with many more lies. So I never hesitated to come up with the reality.” She was not tentative in answering it. My respect for her knew no bounds.

It was not the very first time I came into close contact with a divorcee. My friend with whom I have spent my school days became a divorcee at the age of 19. Her marriage could not thrive beyond one month. Since my age was not too ripe to look into it , I kept myself aloof from the reasons that has forced her to do so.

The colour and texture of woman has changed a lot. They have become independent both financially and emotionally. Is this financial and emotional independence that are making woman takes a decision with a firm mind that was dreaded to take decades ago or else is it the men folk finding it difficult to acknowledge a woman with her own identity.These could be some reasons, but not the whole.

I remember my own experience. My uncle lives in a joint family. Aunt has to take care of everything. Their house was too big and there was none to help her in her household duties except my grandmother who was almost 80.Once I saw my aunt crying and I asked the reason. She said she was finding it very difficult to look after everything without a domestic aid. I realized her woes as i started cleaning the house. It was too big and the work was too strenuous as I took the whole day to complete it. I went to my uncle and sought a domestic aid for my aunt. His reply really shocked me. He said “ I provide her with everything. Hence, it is her duty to keep mum and do all these without any complaints”.

She never dared to talk about it to her husband and chided me for taking her side. I could very well say that she was considered just as an object that could be turned and twisted to her husband's pleasure. Despite it, she chose silence. She never headed for a divorce. Why?.I don't know.

I met Janaky aunty very recently. She was my another aunt's friend. Janaky aunty was an officer in a reputed bank and was from a well to do family. Her sister was an IAS officer and two brothers held high posts in other organizations. Her daughter was married and her son finished his engineering. She looked rather bold in her demeanor, but not too bold in her life.Her husband maintained illicit affairs right left and center and she dare not raise a finger.Her parents asked her to end the relation, when they found out that their son-in-law engaging himself in his pleasures right infront of them. She did not heed to it, which made her parents drift away from her.

She had her own reasons for it. She was working far away from her home and the label that she was the wife of somebody gave her all the protection she needed.Was it true?But her children failed drastically as they saw their father's indulgence in his pleasures in front of them when their mother was away. Her daughter's family life failed miserably as the girl found it very difficult to go on with a wife's duty. Her children's life lay shattered in front of her like a broken glass. Still, she did not dare to divorce her husband. Why?. I don't know.

I really do not understand what she gained by keeping mum. She could preserve her security, but what about their life, a life derailed by her own security.

I was just wondering about the decisions they did not take, that could have brought a vast change in their life.

I really do not have any tailor made answers for any of these questions. These are my apprehensions and you could help me with your valuable suggestions.

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