Monday, June 7, 2010

Life with no meaning

Monday mornings always welcomed her with heaps of work. Suman was working in a bank.As she had busy schedules during the week days, she could be with her son only at weekends. 


Sanjay, her son had just finished his engineering and Sangeetha, her daughter was living at Amsterdam with her husband. Today Suman had to rush as sanjay had to attend an interview. It was his ninth interview. The boy had  already started losing his confidence. But she always made it clear to him that it was all just  part of the game. Whether he wins or lose, he had to play his part. It had become more and more straining to keep the boy always on the brighter side. 

Ma and Pa deserted us after that incident and we are left with none to confide. It was not their fault. They  had their own share of pangs. The whistling of milk cooker  awoke her from her reverie.


" Mom...I can't find my file..."
" It's there in the cupboard, Sanju"
" Mama, why don't you come and find it "...Sanju screamed at the top of his voice.

" Anandam....Anandam... Suman called aloud.



Anandam was her housemaid.Clothes that needed washing mounted before the washing machine. Floor needed a thorough cleansing. Breakfast was not yet ready. She called Anandam but with no response. 


Suman  rushed to the servant's quarters that was built adjacent to their house. Anandam was no where to be seen. Suman banged the door heavily. The door was opened after much reluctance and  he came out with an unbuttoned shirt and a sweaty face.

Suman turned herself away from him with a disgusted look. When he moved away from her, she peeped into Anandam's room and said " Come to the kitchen, you can entertain him later".


She started thinking about the man who had just come out from her servant's room- Her husband.


She was married at the age of 20.The first six months of her marriage offered nothing, but sleepless nights. He wanted her nights and not her days. As each night prolonged, her woes too multiplied. There were many times she could not withstand his torture. Fortunate or unfortunate , it lasted just for six months as he had sought asylum somewhere.


The onslaught of shocks and disbeliefs thus opened new chapters in her life.


Sanju was panting heavily as he was about to leave. He had this trouble right from his first interview and lost each one due to it. The boy always stood in the extremes. If he was uncontrollable for a few days, he would be an utter stoic for the rest of the days. We had been to several counseling centres, but could not bring about much change. Suman did her best to cheer him up and somehow made him attend the interview.


As she was about to leave, her mobile rang. It was Sangeetha, her daughter.


" Mom...mom...." Sangeetha yelled from the other end.


The panic in Sangeetha's voice gave her sign of alarm.


" What's up, baby" Suman asked maintaining her control.
"Mom...I am fed up...I am coming back" With this remark, the phone went silent.


Tears welled up in her eyes. The last solace was also broken-the lives of her children. She struggled hard to stop her sobbing. This was what life had to offer her- a world full of panics, shudders, disbeliefs.


When her parents found out  this long hidden secret, they wanted Suman to leave her husband . But she could not. She had her own reasons for it. She was working far away from home. The label that she was somebody's wife made her secure. But her parents could not bear any longer, when their son -in- law broke all inhibitions before them.

Suman tried several times to change her daughter's mind. But all her efforts were for naught. Her grief knew no bounds, when she saw her daughter. Her daughter once a full blossom withered beyond recognition.


" Sangu...Suman called her daughter with a heavy heart.


" Mom...it's too hot there"...Sangeetha answered with a smile. " Mom...I could work here and be with you...


Suman realized with an utter shudder that she was loosing her daughter too.She hugged her daughter with tears in her eyes, that had already blurred her vision.


The next morning Suman was awaken by a loud scream.  She rushed to the servant's quarters.  Suman kept on bashing the door, until the door opened. Chithra, their new servant rushed to her  and sought shelter behind her. Suman walked away with the girl for she knew who would be inside.But she could not meet her children's shuddered gazes. It was devastating. Suman was well aware of the destructions, it could sow. She knew what she should do.


That was the day she took the decision she was dreaded to take long ago. She signed those papers with an utter satisfaction. She broke those chains that had shackled her for the past twenty five years without any regret and a heavy heart. She was complacent.


Suman hugged her children with a contended heart. " Mom...eventually you liberated your life, though you took it long.  We are really happy for you. But...what about us, Mamma?...You could have saved us from this humiliation before. But you waited...we have already lost our life, mamma...your own security as a wife destroyed our life mamma...




Suman sat still. She could not believe her ears.  Each word Sanjay said was reverberating in her ears.She was responsible for their lives,but she derailed it. She plucked her own blossoms . Her children's life lay shattered before her .Her life... It lost its meaning...she cried and cried, until her  own tears sank her to the bottom.




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1 comment:

Steve said...

A nice title, reminds one of the black and white nature of human persona.Your fiction Life with no meaning + marriage or divorce and the fairytale life of simone are also extremes.The above two raise socially relevant issues and simone perhaps is an attempt to skirt away from the worries of this world.Extremes begin with the radha-krishna antiquity and end up in the illuminated city scrappers background.But then human mind is such a complex machine mixing memory and desires and churning out the unthinkable..Overall an honest attempt with a scope for betterment.Liked ur designs in othr blog.Carry on.