Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Unfading Memories.


Sandra did not realise how far she had gone. She was panting and the road looked as if it would not end. She missed her bus. She should have taken an auto to get to the office. But she chose to walk and reached late. Everything happened as she expected. MD yelled at her for not turning up on time and marked half day leave for being late by twenty minutes .






She took her seat and the files that piled upon her table seemed like a hill, not easy to climb and she had no intention of climbing it either. She just sat still. She was finding it difficult to hold her mind. When Sanam, her collegue asked why was she too late, Sandra blinked her eyes and said " I missed the bus".

She checked her mails and found one from her mother and the other from her long lost friend. She knew the content of the first letter without even opening it. Esha, her long time and now lost friend was inquiring about her whereabouts. Esha could not attend her marriage as she had flown to San Fransisco with her husband. Memories started gnawing her. She did not feel like working and had no intention of asking her boss to grant  her the leave, but was relieved to find that he would leave soon as he had a meeting.


Sandra left office by 1.30. As she did not want to go home soon ,she decided to take a stroll along the beach. The breeze and the azure water calmed her for a while.


"Oh no!...John, you are spoiling my gown". Sandra yelled.


" Come on Sandra...." John went on splashing water on her.


"That was our wedding day", Sandra thought.
John loved beaches. It was his plan to go to the beach after we got married. It was a wild plan, but a good one. I have never seen  John so happy. My gown drenched, but I did not mind. I was so happy to be with him. 


It has been six years...


Sandra was feeling tired, when she got home. She cuddled herself in the bed and in no time, she was fast asleep.


 She could see the deep abyss...could feel the freezing chill piercing her body. The water was not placid.It was furious and wild. The peak stood too tall as if it could touch the canopy and the  chasm  which was too deep was hard to fathom. 
She could see them on the peak, clasping against each other, being unaware of the fury that was brewing around them. They cling to each other as if there was no tomorrow only, today to live. They were happy, calm and contended. The raging waterfalls could not divert them not for a while. They were just living...living...living.


The wind sow the raze. She could hear her own scream..."John....John...John...". John fell into the unfathomable gorge. She opened her eyes, sweat rolling down her cheeks. She saw John smiling at him in a framed photograph. She smiled back and rushed to pick her son from the school.




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Best of A.R. Rehman- The Music Maestro



Enjoy this song. I am sure you would like it.

An image that calms mind and the body - Lord Krishna


Her Self








Sitha was bewildered to find a woman standing a few yards away from her." Who are you", Sitha asked. The woman came closer. Sitha was mystified to see her replica. The woman said "Do not ask me who I am, but ask yourself, you will get the answer. I am your self, Sitha. Do not be frightened of me. You always escaped me". 
Sitha was stuck to the root. " What do you mean that I always escaped you." 

"You never listened to your heart. You always glossed over your feelings. You lived with your sincerity, but failed miserably to live with your heart. You lived as a good daughter, wife, mother and a queen, but not as a woman you truly are. You always yielded to your circumstances. But it's time to wake up from the deep slumber and face the life as the woman you are"

Sitha was perplexed and said  " I do not understand"


" Close your eyes and remember the war that waged for you", the woman said.
Sitha closed her eyes. " What do you see now?, the woman asked.


Sitha could hear the battling swords, the neigh of the panicked horses, arrows being hurled in the air.


Sitha answered " I could see...I could see..."


The woman continued " Fix your eyes on the battle and tell me the face that you see.


Perplexed Sitha opened her eyes quickly for the image of Ravana struck her first.


Sitha murmured " Ravana...Ravana..."


The woman went on " This is Ravana, who abducted you, because he loves you. He abducted you to make you his queen. He abducted you for he coulnot live without you. Ravana did not last without you. He died for you. He ruined his kingdom for you. This is the same Ravana who pledged not to touch you, until he gain your consent. He could have given you back to save him and his empire. But he chose death, just  for you Sitha."


Tears welled in Sitha's eyes. She was keenly listening to her self. Sitha thought " Ram forsaken me to do his duty as a King. I was abandoned mercilessly in the forest. I was pregnant then. It was not enough to melt the King's heart. I was a queen, but lived with my children in the forest. Ram never had any suspicions about my fidelity. He knew it, but kept mum. He could have told the whole world of my loyalty, but preferred to remain quiet. Why? Is this the law and justice of the King.Why he chose to remain quiet. The subjects of Ayodhya believed their King, yet he never told them that his wife was devoid of any stigma. Did he really love me?. I was a good mother and wife. But was he a good husband?.  Why Ram? You could have saved me from the humiliation. You did not do it. You once asked for this sacrifice, but not again. Sitha would never go through this humiliation again. This will be the end of it".


Sitha opened her eyes. She was standing in the court of King Rama with whole Ayodhya watching. She looked in the eyes of Rama. She is Sitha, not ready to take any more humiliation. She looked above and prayed to her mother Earth to take her away from this entanglement and make her free. Tears rolling down her cheeks, she prayed and prayed until the earth split and there rose here mother seated in a throne.


Sitha said " Mother, take me away and make me free and let the mother earth not bear any humiliation committed against woman".


Mother earth stretched her hands, took her daughter in an embrace. They vanished into thick air.








THE END

Her Conflicting Mind

Sitha shuddered at her husband's decision. She had to scream again from the rooftop that she had committed nothing wrong She saw thousands of inquisitive eyes interrogating her.She could bear it and it alluded her concern.But when her eyes met her sons' gaze she could not take it. She looked again and was relieved to see that their gaze did not spurt any suspicions. It told nothing, but offered solace. With reverence, she looked at her husband Ram, who always loved her. She knew that neither Ram nor his subjects nurtured any suspicions about her. She could not understand the logic behind her husband's decision. He told her that as a husband he believed her, but as a King it was his responsibility to show his subjects that their queen was innocent and nothing went wrong between her and Ravana, while she was abducted.


She wondered how Ram could make such a discretion between a King and a husband. Sitha felt as if she was going to faint. Her vision blurred. She could not see anything. When she opened her eyes, she found her lonely. Neither her husband nor her sons were there. She listened to the calmness and loneliness that enveloped her. She could hear water flowing in the nearby brook.The breeze touched her lips... The birds chirped... The leaves danced... It soothed he mind for a while. 


Everything ceased all of a sudden.The brook stopped its course...the birds went silent...the breeze detoured...the leaves went still...Her surrounding became too silent that she could hear her heart pounding. She could hear a voice calling her name. She looked around, but saw none. Her gaze followed the infinity. She wanted to drink the water from River Lethe to quell all memories haunting her. She was awakened from her deep thoughts when she heard her name. She turned around to find someone standing beside her. Who was it?

How long she has to prove herself?

Her image kept recurring in my mind...her eyes never drained...all alone...never complaining...taking life in its stride. She had everything, but possessed nothing.


She was Sitha Devy.


Sitha Devy was a mythological character who became a deep rooted concept in the minds of Indian women. She was hailed as the epitome of chastity. She was the wife of Lord Rama and their story was' Ramayana'. ...I was not going to write that story in detail. I was concerned only about her feelings, the  feelings she had when she was asked by her husband to prove her  chastity.