One day, I was travelling in a bus. It was then, a mother, her little daughter and her grand mother boarded the bus. Though it was not crowded, there were no vacant seats and the trio was standing beside my seat. The little girl would be about four years old and she was finding it difficult to stand properly due to the reckless driving which the private buses of Kerala are famous for.
When I realised it, I asked the little girl to come and stand in a space in front of my seat. She obeyed without any reluctance. But she was literally sandwiched between me and the front seat. Hence I asked. “ Do you want to sit in my lap?”. She just nodded her head.I do not know whether it was a ' yes' or a ' no'. But I took her and placed her on my lap. After two stations, her mother and grand mother got the seat and asked her to sit with them. But she was not ready to go and said she would sit with me. They asked her twice and she kept on rejecting them and said that she wanted to go with the new stranger 'aunty' she came across in the bus.
'What is your name ?, I asked. ' Ann Sebi', she replied. When my station was about to reach, I told her that I had to get down at the next stop. She kept on nodding but did not go to her mother. But somehow I managed to do it.
Why this narration? I felt very ' happy'. A child cannot fake love or affinity and I have experienced it several times. I have felt a kind magnetic thread pulling me towards a child and vice versa. I surprisingly realised that I have always been myself when I was in any child's company. Not an ounce of pretension was added when I was with them. When I see a child's face there were several instances when I really wanted to grab and clasp them to my bosom and feel mother hood in its fullest sense. There were many times I felt that my one look was enough to lure any child.
Though this is the case, I am yet to decide on marriage. Since it is the license issued by the society to procreate, I am still tentative to embrace it. People say that I am in a quandary. But I am not. Though I believe in the institution, I do not want to embrace it for the sake of doing it. But I am sure and certain about one thing – I want to be a mother- biological or adopted. I do not mind either way. I just love being a mother. I cannot even think of leaving this world without being a mother. I could be anybody's mother. I kind of feel an emotional connect with every children.
I have come across many childless couples. I asked them why don't they adopt a child. “ We want a child who has our genes,” some said. Some did not want to do it as it could hurt their male ego. “ I still believe that I have the capacity to procreate,” one of my male friends who was passing through similar situation said. Shove off all the blunders to the back burner and give life to a needy child. That child can fill the vacuum in your life. Be magnanimous.They need you as you need them badly.
I don't have enough income to raise a child. If I had, I would have done it years ago.