Saturday, January 23, 2016

Fathers taking a selfie with their daughters is not going to change anything

Have you ever wondered why some people just cannot be themselves in their own place?

I mean...the place where one was born and brought up.

I will elaborate.....

Years ago…to be precise, when I was about 18 years, I got enrolled myself in a public library. It was just a stone’s throw away from my house and my college. Nearby is the famous Kerala Sahitya Academy. I could have easily gone and spend some time, there. But I never did.

Whenever I used to go there, I was always accompanied.  I had to wait till my father takes a leave so that he could accompany me. Thankfully, we could, then keep books for one month. Otherwise, I would have been forced to cancel my membership.

My father would wait at the entrance of the library. Because only members were allowed inside and I could see him signaling me every minute to make it fast….( Make it fast …and that too in a library).

Things have not changed, even now.

I am a journalist and have been working and living alone for more than nine years. Still, I am not allowed out of my house in my home town, alone. Why so?

 They cite a very logical reason – You will always remain our little girl…I am happy being one. But I do not understand why the little boy always becomes a big man; even though he will be years younger to you.

His opinions matters and mine just ignored. Why you have to rebel all the time for your rights? Now, I understand “ fathers taking a selfie” with their daughters is not going to solve the problem ( It was a campaign started by the Prime Minister of India)

I believe I have handled my career and life to the best of my ability. If not, I would have ended up in the four walls of any house. And I am sure; I would have gone berserk.  (I am notorious for throwing tantrums….)

I am somebody who has also reveled in the thought of unraveling ‘me’. It is the greatest mystery I have ever encountered.

The little child inside me just bounces and bounces while discovering those deep hidden desires of the heart. And each time, I evolve and become a better person.

But it all goes for a toss when I am in my home town. Why so? Even without my own knowledge, I start behaving as if I am bound by the society. I laugh, cry, talk and behave according to the norms.

 Forget about ‘Thinking’…My head is all blocked. Nothing sensible would come out of it. Instead of a voice, various voices start to speak. You feel like you are back to square one

When you are out of your place, you are just ‘You’. You are nobody's daughter or sister or niece and you are not bound by the society.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Bangalore diary - Part 1

Finally, I am in Bangalore. After 34 long years, I have managed to come outside my state - Kerala.

Just don’t remain a ‘ frog in the well’,

There is a wide world outside, some of my well – wishers have advised.

And, here I am…Out of the safe cocoon…. ( Was I really in a safe cocoon? We will discuss it some other time.)

To be honest,  I am yet to start seeing this world…I mean the place where I live now. I did not feel like ‘exploring’ Bangalore. Buildings all over with rarely any greenery to spot gives me head aches. For the time being, it is just office to hostel and vice – versa.

Though, the place has lot of restaurants, it hardly beckons me. Perhaps, I do not enjoy outside food, any more.

I live near a Mall and I went there twice. It is all crowded unlike the malls in Kerala and I felt claustrophobic.

Talking about people whom I met here, some are likeable and some not . Hey! It is the same in Kerala also.

And I have come across some staring eyes here. I was surprised because many who encouraged me to go to Bangalore said I would n’t find anything of this sort, here. …I said ‘staring’ and not ‘ Ogling’.

Whenever, I step out of the hostel, I wrap a scarf around my face. I thought I was preventing myself  from exposing to pollution. But, in course of time, I realised it gave me a sense of security….  From What?.....I really have no clue. Even after I have toned down, I do not want to take it off.

This place gives you a strange sense of anonymity that it can really scare you, sometimes.
I am happy inside the hostel once I am done with my work.

Knock….knock….I have also come across some real gossip mongers. The difference is you don’t hear gossips in your language.

There are a few things I also like….

Unlike Kerala, Bangalore is chilly and you get uninterrupted supply of hot water. Hence, I could enjoy hot showers twice a day. For the first time I felt, bathing has immense therapeutic effect. Besides, you need n’t be bothered about the dress you wear as you have to wear a sweater or a jacket to protect you from the cold.

My point is not to make negative remarks about the place. But all these above mentioned characteristics of this place made me think what makes a place likeable.

I think it is just a sheer 'Sense Of  Belonging' and what gives you that?

I will always be attached to the place where I am born. That is a bond made from birth. Then, what are the other things.

Now, to write more on that, I really would have to strain my brain…. ( Ok…I racked my brain for about 10 minutes…But nothing came out of it. I mean, I just did not get a clear picture to write about those things which gives a sense of belonging).

For the time being, it is a feeling for me – a feeling which only you can understand. There is no point in being somewhere, where you have no sense of belonging......

PS : I would like to remind you that it has been just 25 days since I arrived here. And there exists a high chance that in the days to come, I might tell you those things which really made this place dearer for me.

Friday, January 15, 2016

 I stay near this Mall.

Except a single upload, I haven't posted anything, this year. Maybe, I wanted to take it slow.

I wanted to tell you that I have shifted my base. Now, I am in Bangalore. It's been around 20 days since I reached here. And having a hard time adjusting to the new environment. Do not feel like making friends. But feels like eating Kerala food.

 After 5 long years of staying alone and cooking my own food, I have got a room mate as I am staying in a PG which is almost like a hostel with 80 inmates. In my place, it is just four or five girls in a PG. Thankfully, there are no such restrictions which makes your life horrible. But I will have to shift my place after February as my office will be shifted to some other place.