Thursday, September 1, 2016

Have you ever reached that moment when you can't recognize yourself ? I did



Bangalore Diary Part 4
September 1, 2016

For many years, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. Everything seemed hunky – dory. But then came a point when life stopped, just like that....... I shocked myself by stopping to recognize me. I have always been my best friend. And one fine morning, she was gone and left me to grope in the dark.  And that could be scary – VERY SCARY.


I always knew that being on the brighter side of life was a Herculean task. But I hardly left no stones unturned to make my life better.  I could easily identify my flaws, earlier. The process of rectifying them made me a stronger person. And, one fine morning, I just forgot how to do that. 


Whenever, I looked at the mirror, I could not recognize the girl in there. That might be the reason why the reflections never got registered in my mind. Another way of putting it is : “I don’t like the girl in the mirror. Because she is so lost and that’s not me.” 


Then, one day reality struck like a thunder bolt. Even the strongest woman could get tired of being strong.

I started thinking of all those personality development quotes which once made me strong but in vain.

Then came the next realization - “I was acting strong.” 

I mean…I was not in fact strong but acting as if I was strong….. Oh My God…..

 After so many years, to be precise 12 years, I shut myself in a room, switched off all the lights and started crying and crying.


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Pic courtesy : http://www.punjabigraphics.com/images/154/At-Garden-Sad-Woman-Waiting-For-You-Wallpaper.jpg




5 comments:

KParthasarathi said...

Ha ha! Quit crying as the stark realization that you were acting strong all these years could have become the stepping stone for the real strong you!

Marc More said...

So the realization helped to take your mask off..and the real you, the vulnerable you showed up

Shalet Jimmy said...

@Marc...what I believe is once you are aware of your insecurities, you are not vulnerable anymore...I could feel it inside...

Anita said...

Hills and valleys, figuring out life: a continual process.

Thank God for the strength when needed and the serenity when things are calm.

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