Friday, September 13, 2013

Am I conventional ?

Loneliness and Depression once again hit me. It is as simple as Elizabeth Gilbert put it in her book ' Eat, Love and Pray' “ He [Depression] just gives me that dark smile, settles into my favorite chair, puts his feet on my table and lights a cigar, filling the place with his awful smoke. Loneliness watches and sighs, then climbs into my bed and pulls the covers over himself, fully dressed, shoes and all. He's going to make me sleep with him again tonight, I just know it.”

But I decided to knock them down with my new found hobby – eating, especially salads. I went to a posh restaurant and ordered a veg wrap, salad and love bytes ( not because of its romantic name but because of its components. It's chocolate, supposed to be good for reducing tension. When I reached there, there were hardly any customers. I selected a corner from where I could savour my salad and enjoy the lake view. I decided not to think about the huge price tags on my eateries. I tried not to think about dad's rebuke. “You are wasting your money unnecessarily. You could have bought sufficient quantity of rice for a family .” But dad,  that rice would not suppress my depression and loneliness! I have even tried that. but only gained weight.

After a few minutes, two couples came and sat beside me. Maybe they too wanted to enjoy the Cochin lake view. Loneliness and depression were already there with their whip. I did not want to invite the third one – wanting for a soul mate. Hence I shifted my place thinking that I would enjoy the lake view next time. Then came two young students that made me forget my two companions for a while. The girl would not be more than 14 and boy might be 15.
After asking for the student's discount, they came and sat in a corner in such a way that I could not avoid looking at them. To my shock, as soon as they sat, they  started groping each other.

 Am I shell shocked ?
I should n't be.
But I am
And it worried me.

I am not a conservative, I could understand the urge of a human body. If I see some matured persons doing the same, I would have asked them  “ Guys, get a room” .

But I was just angry with this little girl and boy.

I could have easily passed off this incident as a mere sight thinking that time has changed. I was not able to. I am not conventional either.   It surprised me. My heart ached for the girl. I felt lucky that I have a younger brother and not a sister. It could have snatched my sleep until she marries. I felt lucky not to have entangled in such romantic encounters at a young age. I thanked my 'ego' which never let me stoop for a boy. I thanked my teachers who inculcated in me that girls are the best.

Am I yet to break that thread that connected with this so called ' conservatism', Is it wrong for a young girl and boy to indulge publicly in groping. What's wrong with me?

The only solace was that I was the only person in the restaurant who relished the food. My concentration was fully on it. Whereas for others, their minds were seeing ' dirty pictures'.


KParthasarathi said...

No matter what one is, liberal or conservative,such display of carnal love in public places is galling.Luckily you coulld concentrate on your salad to drive the depression and loneliness.For many weak hearts sight a sight would have added to their loneliness.

Shalet Jimmy said...

Honestly, I was expecting your comment sir.

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Happy Kitten said...

Where do one draw the line? Sigh! Hopefully you are out of your depression?